you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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