Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
