i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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