you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
P.S. I can't hear my feet
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize