Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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