Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
