I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
