you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
