they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
