Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
