Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
