So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
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she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
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God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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