But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
