She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
