He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
