Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
