and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
