is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
