We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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