haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
