I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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