I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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