I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
