Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
