hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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