My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
