I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
