i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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