Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
