Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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