I am puke
someone owes me an orgasm
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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