I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
