I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
