Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
