maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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