Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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