Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
