This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
