I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
