Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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