His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
