Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
