there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
