i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
