I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
