Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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