New low: just hacked my moms facebook
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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