He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Randomize
