No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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