I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
