So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I have aggressive nipples.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
