Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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