you would pick up someone in the library
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
