I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
