she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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