Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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