Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
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