Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It was a blind-side dick pic.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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