Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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