She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
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Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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