Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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