sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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