i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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