i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so let's talk penis.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
