Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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