dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
