gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
nutella sex= disaster
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
