I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
