I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
