I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
