I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Drake has all the answers
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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