i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
