no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
