you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
